Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail
by ArtanisAE
Summary: Monty Python's classic parody on excalibur. INUYASHA STYLE! This is one of my favorite scenes. If I get some good reviews I'll write in some other scenes but until then just enjoy this one.
1. Black Knight

Hello all. I'm just writing this short fic for you peoples while I can't update my current fanfiction. This is a spoof on my favorite movie "Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail" which happens to be a spoof on the movie Excalibur. This is just one of my favorite scenes. If I get some good reviews I might continue putting up different scenes but until then this is just a quick I-have-nothing-better-to-do-fanfiction for you all to enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own Monty Python or Inuyasha {that would tip you in on how I would make this a spoof. *Author starts laughing at all the possibilities*}  
  
Characters:  
  
King Arthur: Inuyasha His abbreviation is KAI and you can imagine him however you want to. Just remember he isn't wearing any armor.  
  
Black Knight: Kouga His abbreviation is BKK and don't forget he's a knight, so he has a black helmet on  
  
Green Knight: Just some normal person GK and it's the same as him  
  
Author's Tip to the readers: Never, ever, ever try to make sense of Monty Python  
  
Inuyasha: Must I do this?  
  
Author: yes Inuyasha you must. Now act!  
  
Inuyasha: I don wanna!  
  
Author: you get to dismantle Kouga.  
  
Inuyasha: I'm All for that!  
  
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The Black knight  
*KAI is walking through the forest on a quest to find the bravest knights in the land to join in his court at Camelot when he comes upon two knights fighting*  
  
The fight rages on for a minute or two and then the GK charges at BKK.  
  
BKK: *throws his sword at the GK and it flies right into the little slit in his helmet for his eyes, killing him*  
  
*BKK walks over to the dead GK, sticks his foot on the guy's head and yanks his sword out by the hilt. Then he walks back over to the bridge he was guarding*  
  
*KAI watched the fight and then walks over to BKK*  
  
KAI: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.  
  
BKK: *silence* *thinking* What does this idiot want?  
  
KAI: I have ridden the land in search for the mightiest knights to join me in my court at Camelot.  
  
BKK: *Silence* *thinking* It's not worth my time.  
  
KAI: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?  
  
BKK: *Silence* *thinking* No, you dog turd! Now go away!  
  
KAI: You make me sad. Come patsy! *Begins to walk across the bridge* {Patsy is KAI's little squire that follows him around carrying his stuff. I couldn't think of a character to be him so he's just a normal person too.}  
  
BKK: NONE SHALL PASS. *Thinking* especially stupid dog turds who have my woman!  
  
KAI: What?  
  
BKK: NONE SHALL PASS. *Thinking* Now go away!  
  
KAI: I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight. But I must cross this bridge!  
  
BKK: THEN, YOU SHALL DIE. *Thinking* I will have fun with him and then I can go and take back my woman!  
  
KAI: I command you, as king of the Britons to stand aside!  
  
BKK: I MOVE FOR NO MAN.  
  
KAI: SO BE IT! *Draws sword*  
  
*The knight fight for a little while with lots of "Hiyah!"-ing*  
  
*finally the BKK gets his left arm chopped off*  
  
KAI: Now stand aside, worthy advisary.  
  
BKK: 'Tis but a scratch.  
  
KAI: A scratch?!? Ya arm's off!  
  
BKK: No it isn't.  
  
KAI: What's that then? *Points at dismembered Arm with sword*  
  
BKK: *Pause to think of a witty retort* I've had worse.  
  
KAI: You lie!  
  
BKK: Come on you dog turd! *Begins fighting again with only one arm*  
  
*another short battle ending with BKK getting his right arm chopped off*  
  
KAI: Victory is mine! *Gets down on one knee and starts praying to God* {King Arthur is a very religious person} we thank thee lord, for in thy mercy *gets kicked in the head by BKK*  
  
BKK: Come on then!  
  
KAI: What? *Gets kicked again* You are indeed brave sir knight but the fight is mine!  
  
BBK: Oh, had enough eh?  
  
KAI: Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!  
  
BKK: *Looks at where his arms are supposed to go on his sides* Yes I have. *Kicks KAI some more* DOG TURD! DOOOOOOG TUUUUUUURD!  
  
KAI: Look stop that! *Gets Kicked again* I'll have your leg! *Gets kicked another time* RIGHT! *Chops off BKK leg as he came in for another kick*  
  
BKK: *Hopping around on one leg* Right! I'll do you for that!  
  
KAI: You'll what?  
  
BKK: C'mere! *Hops toward KAI*  
  
KAI: What are you going to do? Bleed on me? *Pushes BKK away*  
  
BKK: I'm invincible!  
  
KAI: You're a loony.  
  
BKK: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! *Hops toward KAI again*  
  
KAI: *Rolls his eyes and chops BKK's last leg off*  
  
BKK: *Looks around*  
  
KAI: Right. Let's call it a draw. Come Patsy! *Walks across bridge*  
  
BKK: *From ground* Oh, I see. Runnin' away eh? You yellow bastards! Come back and take what's comin' to ya! I'll bite your legs off!  
  
End Scene  
  
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Well how'd ya like it? Like I said earlier, if I get some good reviews I might write another scene as a second chapter. PLEASE! 


	2. The FrenchTaunter

Wow, what's it been? Four months since I've updated this? *Feels really guilty* And you guys loved it so much too. . . But who can't love Inuyasha and Monty Python at the same time? *Lots of cheers* So. . . Let's get this chapter up and posted BEFORE I turn 13, shall we? YES, I AM CURRENTLY ONLY 12, but you guys don't care how old I am, do you?  
  
Cast:  
  
King Arthur: Inuyasha- KA  
  
Sir Galahad: Miroku- SG  
  
Sir Lancelot: Sesshomaru- SL  
  
Sir Bedimere: Artanis (if you don't know who that is, go read my other Inuyasha fic. He's an OC. . . I ran out of people to use ^_^;;)- SB  
  
Patsy: Shippo  
  
All the other little squire people: Kagome, Sango and clones  
  
French Taunter: Naraku- FT (And remember he is French, so he has the funny accent)  
  
Other French people: Naraku's sons and daughters (for example Kagura)  
  
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All the knights 'ride' up and form a line in front of a castle. Patsy pulls up a horn and blows on it. It makes a horribly irritating sound.  
  
KA: *Calling up to whoever is up on the castle* Hullo!  
  
*Long pause*  
  
KA: HULLO!  
  
FT: 'allo! Who eez eet?  
  
KA: It is King Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?  
  
FT: This is the castle of my master Guy de Lombard!  
  
KA: Please, go and tell your master that we have been charged by god with a sacred quest. And if he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the holy grail!  
  
FT: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen! Uh. . . He's already got one you zee?  
  
KA: What?  
  
SG: He says they've already got one!  
  
KA: Are you sure he's already got one?  
  
FT: Oh, yes! It's uh. . . Very nice! *Leans over to where a bunch of French people are hiding* I told them we already got one!  
  
French people: *begin sniggering*  
  
KA: Well. . . um. . . Can we come up and have a look?  
  
FT: OF COURSE NOT! You are English types!  
  
KA: Well what're you then?  
  
FT: I'M FRENCH! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly King!  
  
SG: What're you doing in England?  
  
FT: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!  
  
KA: If you will not show us the grail, we shall take your castle by force!  
  
FT: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so called 'Arthur-king'! You and your silly English kah-nigg-uhts! *Sticks tongue out and blows a raspberry*  
  
SG: What a strange person. . .  
  
KA: NOW LOOK HERE MY GOOD MAN-  
  
FT: *Interrupting* I don't wanna talk to you no more you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction, your father was a hamster, [oh the irony. . .] and your mother smelt of elderberries!  
  
*Medium length pause*  
  
SG: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?  
  
FT: uh, NO! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!  
  
KA: Now this is your last chance! I've been MORE than reasonable- *voice fades out as you hear the FT talking*  
  
FT: *Talking to other little French people* Fetche la vache!  
  
One of the little French people: Qua?  
  
FT: Fetche la vache!  
  
The little French dude: *Goes into the castle and come back out leading a cow on a rope-leash*  
  
KA: That is my final offer. If you are not prepared to agree to my demands, we shall be forced to. . . *BOING* JESUS CRIST!  
  
*The cow has been launched from a catapult and is flying over the battlements with a loud 'MOOOOOOOOOOO!'. It lands on Sir Lancelot's squire (Who happens to be one of the Sango clones*  
  
SG: NOOOOOOO!!!! SANGO! *notices another one of the Sango clones and gets over Sango's death really quickly*  
  
KA: *Glances at the squished Sango clone and pulls out his sword* RIGHT! Knights, forward!  
  
All of the knights: *Pull out their swords and begins running at the castle*  
  
French people: *Begin throwing other random farm animals at the group*  
  
BAAH!  
  
MOO!  
  
QUACK!  
  
All of the knights: *Finally reach the wall of the castle and begins hacking at the stone with their swords*  
  
KA: *Sees some dude (it's not important who. . . just some un-mentioned knight probably) next to him gets squished by a flying sheep* RUN AWAY!  
  
All of the knights: RUN AWAY! *It's fairly self-explanatory what they do. Yea, you guessed it. They ran away*  
  
*They all take shelter, out of range, laying behind a hill*  
  
SL: The sods! I'll tear them apart! *Starts to get up to go attack them again*  
  
KA: NO NO!  
  
SB: Sir! I have a plan. . .  
  
*Scene fades out, then back in. You can see the French Taunter standing on sentry duty*  
  
Lots of strange noises suddenly come from somewhere in the woods. The taunter begins looking around (still standing on top of the castle) for what's causing the noises. Then the noises change to what seem to be extreme carpentry. Sawing noises, power drills, and cats being used as hammers.  
  
Then the noises change again to an annoying squeaking, which continually gets louder. Then something bursts out of the trees.  
  
It looks like a little wooden cabin without a door with wheels. And on the roof there's a flat bunny head made from cardboard with two floppy cardboard ears.  
  
*All the knights push the offering towards the french castle's front door and then run off back to where they had taken cover before*  
  
All of the French people: *open the front door and stick their heads out and begin speaking to each other in french, finally coming out and pushing the enormous bunny rabbit into the castle*  
  
KA: *To Sir Bedivere* Now what happens?  
  
SB: Well now, Lancelot, Galahad, and I *Points to each of the mentioned people who are laying next to him on the hillside* wait until nightfall and then leap out of the rabbit and take the French by surprise. Not only by surprise but totally unarmed!  
  
KA: Who leaps out?  
  
SB: Lancelot. . . Galahad. . . And I. . . *Points to the people again* Leap out of the rabbit. . . *Lots of groaning and Lancelot covers his eyes* Look, if we build this large wooden badger. . . *King Arthur smacks him with the back of his hand and he falls over*  
  
*BOING*  
  
*The wooden bunny comes flying over the top of the castle from the catapult*  
  
KA: RUN AWAY!  
  
All of the Knights: RUN AWAY!  
  
*The bunny lands on the same Sango clone that the cow did*  
  
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Ok, that was the end of the scene! Well I hope you liked it! Geez, I need to update this more often. Sorry about that! MY BIRTHDAY IS JUNE 10! YAY! I CAN'T WAIT!  
  
Oh, and if you didn't understand why the FT called them Kuh-nigg-huts, it's because if you pronounce the word 'Knights' without any silent letters, you come up with kuh-nigg-huts.  
  
MONTY PYTHON RULES! 


End file.
